dear heart,

Please be strong. Kuatkan hati,Erna..

Stalk.

Last night, before i went for my bed time, i stalk-ed her.At frist, I never thought that I will see the things that I dont wanna see. I mean I dont REALLY wanna see. I still remember the feeling of chest pain i had at the moment I saw their photo. There's a picture of him with his girlfie both. First, shes wearing tudung and he was wearing songkok. Seems like they went to majlis for some event  together. Second one is a casual picture of them, That girl is wearing make up. I cried a lot last night before accidentally slept with tears..I miss him. I miss him so much! 

What else can i say to bring him back? What else the thing i can do to make him realize that I am here still for him like 6months back! I am seriously miss him. I cant forget him even for a day. I really cant..even now,i got Farhan. Ya Allah..guide me to the right path please :'(

Why so hard for me to forgot him while he can easily forget me? 

I miss you,so much! Asyraaf..

BANGANG

Kau ni memang jenis bangang. Hati dan perasaan kau mmg tak guna ! Baik kau mati je lagi baik! Aku bg msg mcmtu pun kau buat bodoh je. Sikit pun tak reply. Kau mmg bangang and aku memang MENYESAL!

Nanti.

Nanti kalau kau dah sedar yang aku ni yang paling sayang kau,mungkin kau menyesal tinggalkan aku, buat aku sengsara. Sebab aku ikhlas,sayang kau. Walau ramai, walau satu dunia kutuk kau, Asyraaf.

what i just posted to him !!! erghhh hmm..

blank................

i am too sad.

Harini aku asik fikir pasal dia. dari siang sampai malam. aku taktau kenapa rasa sedih semacam. memang lain macam sedih dia. aku dengar lagu,makin teringat dia. baru aku perasan, harini 20.dec.2013.
Selamat ulang tahun sayang. Harap abg bahagia dengan Nana.

I miss you much,Asyraaf.

I feel like...

hmm..
Aku xtau nak luahkan dekat siapa lagi. aku rindukan dia. lelaki yang aku sayang tengah mati! walaupun dah 5ulan berlalu, hati aku tetap kuat untuk dia.
Kenapa senang sangat dia lupa aku :( yaAllah..kembalikan dia!

Muhd Asyraaf bin Draman.

Sedih..

Aku taktahu la aku buat keputusan betul atau salah, hmm..
Memang aku rasa dah tiba msa untuk aku move on seratus percent dan lupakan Asyraaf. Tapi,nama tu seolah-olah cukup kuat kat dalam hati aku. Betul orang cakap, cinta pertama memang susah utuk dilupakan. Dulu aku ingat cinta pertama tu boyfriend pertama kita yang masa kecil-kecil couple tu. Tapi salah, cinta 
pertama tu maksud dye lelaki pertama yang kita betul-betul sayang. Memang susah...
Aku rindu dia..aku pelik macam mana senang dia lupakan aku. Mungkin dia takpernah sayang aku kot. Tapi sumpah,aku rindu dia sangat. Setiap benda aku buat, aku pergi,aku terbayang dia. Minyak wangi pertama kali aku bau dia..aku rindu sangat semua tu. Sekarang nama Asyraaf dah digantikan dengan Farhan. Tapi,muka dia,perangai dia,kenangan bersama dengan dia asik je berlegar kat kepala aku.Kuat betul penangan dia ni. Walaupun dia taklah ada rupa,takla manis untuk dipandang,tapi....dia tetap pilihan aku.Aku memang sayang dia sangat.
Nana,kau memang dah rampas dia dari aku.Tapi takpe,semoga kau bahagia dengan dia. Buat yang terbaik untuk dia. Dia segalanya bagi aku.

I miss you.

Mohd Farhan Bin Abdullah.

Hei.
Im now taken by him :) . Kalau korang buka and scroll down older home aku, korg boleh tau dia ni siapa. He's my ex. Kitorg couple masa form3. Then get back when i was in form4. Then broke up sbb certain things. Tapi still cathup each other :) And now,hes still mine! AGAIN, For real.
Ya Allah,
please please !
Im begging you, make him as my last partner in life and let him stick with me forever.
Alhamdulillah and thank you sebab tak pernah jauhkan kami walaupun hakikatnya kitorg dah terlampau jauh.
Amin Ya Rabbalalamin...

Rindu

Saya rindu dia..rindu sangat. Walaupun saya dah keluar dgn orang lain, buat semua benda yang sama macam dengan dia dulu, tapi tetap saya rindu dia.Rindu sangat-sangat.

Ya Allah,
Sihatkanlah Muhd Asyraaf bin Draman dalam segala hal. Janganlah kau berikan kesedihan kepadanya. Peliharalah dia dan lindungilah dia.
Amin.

Saya sudah pulang.

Hai, Im back. Semua kisah-kisah dulu dah habis. What i mean is "him" . No more Asyraaf in my life. No more. Hes gone. Yes, I was damn sad cus he left me when I was there. When I had no idea how to chase him back as him and everyones knew, he is my best of the best and hes my everything..I repeated, EVERYTHING. But ALLAH knews better than anyone else. Im trying hard to be realistic and put my best effort for letting all the pain and those memories away from my thoughts. Alhamdulillah...I am now can live by my own real life as well as before I knew him. Im proud of myself for being this though even after being through all over this ALONE. With no one besides me and give me a support. No, actually i got so many advices and warm support from friends and family but as the entire world knew, Im far away from them. Physically im still away from them. I cant really feel their supports. Its like when you are trying to stand up with one leg is having fracture while theres no cruthces or even wheelchair surrounds you and suddenly you realizes that you still need to stand and wake up to continue your daily life routines. Its hurt. Yeah, its damn hurt.I got no way to run. At the moment I decided to let him go away from my life, I was like...."Erna, you need to do this,you go! you go! speak out whatever things inside your mind". And with no one beside me, I gain all my strengths and text him. Im waiting for his reply, if he could ever text me for atleast a single text but after 10mins....20mins....30mins.....and after so many hours he still didnt reply my text.So, i gave up and consider that he WILL NEVER reply.That was my last text to him..to the only man I have ever love in life..Asyraaf.
Soon after, for that whole night I cant sleep properly, I keep on thinking about him. About why and why he left me for no reason after promising me a lot before i went to India. Maybe theres a reason FOR HIM about why he left me. I cant put a blame on him. Hes a nice person. A really nice person for me. I am still admit this facts. So...people out there! I too had a love story :) Even its not last as a happy ending, but im still   can share to everyone cus im proud of me! We have been through a lot of happy and sad life journey together but end up with tragedy and I still can be happy for his new life,with a new girl. He deserves better. He really do.

To Asyraaf and his new girlfie :
I wish you guys can build a very nice relationship and cherish it together with a very nice colour of day by day. Be good to each other. Im not that able to make him happy as you can. So for you girl, dont repeat the same mistake as i did ! No ! Please no.. Do take care of him and be the best as you can. I dont think so you will read this but its okay as long as ive already expressed whatever i felt. No worries, I wont ever exist between you guys. Theres no need for me cus I knew well my position. Be happy my dear..

Sincere,
Erna.